sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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