Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I can't turn off my feet"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
