I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
