I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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