And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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