I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
