Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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