Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize