Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
