I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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