I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It was confusing and full of hummus
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
