i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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