i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
