I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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