Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
