I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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