I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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