Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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