he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
