I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We are two peas in an std pod
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
