how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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