i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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