3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
