So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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