I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize