I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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