You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
