you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
