there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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