you will always have a special place in my vag
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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