i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize