i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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