so that wasnt chicken after all
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize