If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
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