Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
