So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
