Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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