this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
