is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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