I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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