I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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