Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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