while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
