My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We have started to decorate penises.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
