So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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