I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
