So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
