Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
