pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
