I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
