WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
