I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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