bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
