he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
