I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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