some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize