I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
