i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
