i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
