I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
we should paint friendship bongs
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