Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
that's an acceptable place to lick
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
