How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
