No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
