she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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