If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
