even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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