a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
