Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
