And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize