If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
