ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize