what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
