The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
