So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize