umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
