Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize