Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she pinky promised me she was 18
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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