the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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