Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize