I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
