Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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