i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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