Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
