My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
