what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize