The beer is more important than you right now.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
