I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
