Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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