I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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