I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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