I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
