I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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