At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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