Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
