I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
